well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
