my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
