Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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