The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
