The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
