I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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