Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
