I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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