dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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