my phone needs a breathalizer
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
