everyone is single if you try hard enough
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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