I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
North Korea, Best Korea!
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize