Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize