Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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