i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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