Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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