Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
