We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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