i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
be right there i have to get my cape
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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