She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
