He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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