she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
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