i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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