i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
