She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
