don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
