I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
