Screwed.edu
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
