he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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