when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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