I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
