Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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