Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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