Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
