I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
