its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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