I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I wish they made helmets for livers.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
