They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
