Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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