Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize