Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
