There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
