Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
