i don't like sucking hair
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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