john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
