i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
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