you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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