can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
