Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
