yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
