do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
