dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
