i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Just high enough for therapy.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
