Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
