its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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