I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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