I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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