Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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