my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
