think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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