That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
