so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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