She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
