we have officially mastered the walk of shame
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
