good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
