Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
