i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Randomize
