Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
