i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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