if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
