is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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