I like my sex mixed with concussions.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
