id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I woke up under a house in Key West
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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